A new study has found that the average length of a man’s erect penis has grown by 24% in the past three decades.
No word, however, on men’s emotional growth over this time period.
The research, which was published in the most recent issue of The World’s Journal of Men’s Health, aggregated 75 studies conducted between 1942 and 2021 that measured the joysticks of nearly 56,000 men, from across a diverse cross-section of different populations around the world.
Across 80 years and a variety of populations, scientists conclusively found that wieners are getting longer over time, with the average length of a penis growing from 4.8 inches to 6 inches over the past 29 years.
Women, on the other hand, are reporting it still feels basically the same.
“The million-dollar question is why this would occur,” Dr. Michael Eisenberg, lead author and a urologist and male fertility specialist at Stanford Medicine, told USA Today about his dong-measuring work.
This study follows recent data that men’s testosterone levels have gone down in recent years, and sperm count has plummeted by 60% in 45 years, possibly endangering the future fertility of males. In other words, while penises are getting longer, they’re also getting less effective.
So why are penises getting longer? Do those supplement ads on porn websites really work?
Doctors honestly don’t know. But there are a few theories.
Dr. James Hotaling, a urologist and men’s infertility specialist at University of Utah Health, told USA Today that the most likely reason is a change in the way men measure their penis. In other words, that generally, the world over, men and researchers collectively want penises to be longer. But, there’s no concrete evidence that this is happening.
Another theory Hotaling put forth is that since boys are hitting puberty earlier, their bodies have more time to grow and their penises are growing longer. But this, too, is a theory, and some research has even found that early puberty stunts overall growth.
One thing is clear: “If the findings were the opposite,” and penises were getting shorter, Hotaling said, “everybody would be freaking out.”
By “everyone,” let’s assume he means men.
Study author Eisenberg said that the increase may be due to changes in the environment, like “pollutants or increasing sedentary lifestyles.”
Excuse us, Dr. Eisenberg, but do not tell men that a sedentary lifestyle could increase the length of his penis. Please.
“The big next step is to look at other patient populations — such as the pediatric population — to see if there are similar changes,” Eisenberg suggested. “Just as we measure height and weight every year across the U.S., this is something else we could measure in a systematic fashion.”
Hmmm. Yep. With all of the health concerns today, let’s make sure we measure boys’ penis length at the doctor’s office each year.
This study is just one of many studies on male reproductive organs that greatly outnumber research done on female reproductive anatomy and health, and is a great illustration on the male bias in sex research, also known as the reason we know so much about penis length and very, very little about everything from menopause and endometriosis to ovarian cysts and UTIs. But it’s okay: We will get to the bottom of why penises are 1.2 inches longer than they were in 1994. Thank you, Stanford University.
This information could be useful to women, however. Next time you need to boost your partner’s self-esteem in bed, consider whispering, “Wow, you are so big… in comparison to the average penis length of males in 1942.”